Every so often a bizarre fad comes along to piss off parents and force individuals to question the trajectory of American culture. In my short life I have witnessed gray-haired women using furniture as weapons in hopes of acquiring a stuffed toy, known as a Beanie Baby. I can remember running underground pog-related gambling rings in elementary school. However, one component of counter-culture has chiseled its way into college campuses and succeeded in frustrating and confusing non-members of the hipster clan.
A hipster, in layman's terms, is a dick. A hipster is obsessed with going against the grain of modern society and forging their own unique style, taste and fashion. To achieve such individualism it is required to dress like a drunk 4th grader on Halloween and then hanging out with people who look like drunk 4th graders on Halloween. Thus, asserting your unique style. Now, dressing like Goodwill took a shit on you is just the first phase.
The second phase is slightly more complex and requires quite a bit of research and development. Phase two involves discovering music that no one has ever heard of, making fun of people for their lack of sophistication due to the fact they have never heard the obscure band, and then abandoning said artists after they become successful for producing music you used to enjoy.
It's understandable that a hipster wants to stay ahead of the pack and drive the future of pop-culture. Unfortunately, hipsters are rude, conceited, self-destructive and worst of all they are pack animals. If a hipster really wants to do the whole "ironic" thing, try dressing like the average Joe. Hell, you would be so far in disguise, that you could trick your other hipster friends into thinking you're no longer a hipster. A hipster dick slap.
Until then, move to New York, start a microbrewery, and write a formal letter of apology to your parents on how they wasted their money sending you to college to drink PBR, smoke American Spirits, and grow mustaches.
Leave me some feedback.
I'll set the pace. You know you're a hipster when...
Your V-neck goes down to your belly button so everyone can see your awesome pirate tattoo.
You ride a single speed to class to save gas and your parents own a share of Exxon and drive a WWII Panzer Tank.
You grew an ironic mustache in college because you were unable grow facial hair in high school.
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